One of the challenges of making a commitment to improving your social wellness and growing your social circle is the fact that you won’t like everyone you meet. It is a simple fact of life that if you get out there, you will encounter folks whose company you don’t care for. It’s a package deal. This will seem so obvious to some that they may wonder at the point of writing about it, while to others, it has real potential to derail their plans.
Whether or not this is an issue for you depends to a very large degree on your nature, on what type of person you are. Some people naturally find it more difficult to emotionally deal with those whose personal style seems to conflict with their own. Keep in mind that this is perfectly natural and even more likely if you are an introvert.
When I was thinking about improving my own social wellness, I knew my own history, which was to eliminate from my life everyone who I didn’t like for some reason. Guess what? Nobodies perfect! You can find something about anybody not to like. So of course I had eliminated everybody and ended up alone. Brilliant. I decided then that if I wanted to improve my social wellness I had better find a different strategy because the one I had used up till now clearly wasn’t working.
I decided I needed to expect to like new the people I would meet. I would need to assume that there are things about them that I would like if I took the time to learn about them and get to know them. I also knew that I would need to accept others with personal styles very different than my own.
Also, once I met them, I decided I would need to look for and focus on what I could find to like about the other person. This is the meaning behind the quote, “I never met a man I didn’t like” by Will Rogers. It means that liking others is not a reaction but an intention.
A key thing inherent in these two mindsets is that I am focused on the other. In this process, I keep in mind something from, “The Likeability Factor” by Tim Sanders. In this excellent book on the art of making friends, he explains that finding “relevance” is a key step in establishing friendship. Being friendly is a great beginning, but we take the relationship to the next step only with those we discover are relevant to our own lives in some way i.e. we have some mutual views or interests. The key here is that the only way to know if you have mutual interests or views with someone is to find out about them!
A Special Note Regarding Introverts
One of the most significant differences in people is whether they are introverts or extroverts, in the clinical sense. In a nutshell, extroverts get energized being around others, the more the better. Introverts are the opposite. Being around others drains their “life energy” batteries. The larger the group, the stronger this effect. There is however a simple solution.
If you are an introvert, plan introvert activities and limit the numbers involved. Secondly, allow time afterwards to be alone. Being alone recharges an introverts batteries. Unlike extrovertes, introverts need alone time to process social experiences. Simply manage the tempo of your social life like this.
