Yet I believe different stressors result in slightly different hormones being released and that there are specific hormones released by the endocrine system depending on the cause. Further, in the case of social isolation, I believe one of those hormones causes us to feel lonely.
All feelings are generated by hormones and I believe feeling lonely is no less caused by hormonal changes than the feeling of being in love. Why would the body generate a hormone, a biochemical, to make us feel lonely? For the same reason you have the sensation of pain when you are cut or burned. The body needs to get your attention immediately and it needs to motivate you to take action to change the situation.
According to the ancient rules still running our bodies and minds, we depend on others for our survival. Therefore when we are feeling disconnected from others, the body perceives this as a risk to our survival and, just as with pain, it needs a way to get our attention and motivate us to change the situation. To do this in the case of social isolation it creates in us a specific form of pain, the feeling of loneliness. It may effect this change using the hormone epinephrine, since research has shown this to be present in higher levels in lonely people, however far too little research has been done in this area to draw specific conclusions.
Yet there is another reason for the negative impact on our mental health when socially isolated, one I do not believe is connected to hormonal changes.
Friends are a sounding board and interactions with them provide us with feedback regarding our thoughts and feelings. Without friends who will provide us honest and unbiased feedback, we can easily become lost in the maze of our own thoughts. There are probably many, many processes involved but I know of and can relate two examples here.
Often when we are thinking about a problem in our lives, we can go ‘round and ‘round in our minds and never come to a conclusive decision. If however we call a friend and talk it over with them, we often come to see our way more clearly. Why? What happens that make the difference? I believe it is the fact that having to articulate our thoughts and convey them to another using speech is the reason. Engaging the part of the brain required to speak, seems to have an effect on our thoughts. Our friend may have offered no advice whatsoever and yet after the conversation we somehow are clearer about what we must do. I believe this is one of the reasons that friends help keep us from descending into mental disorders.
Another reason is that they help provide us with guidance in the most literal sense of the word. If left to our own thoughts, we slowly become unsure about our own mental health. That uncertainty itself then becomes a contributing factor. Without feedback from others, we can indeed become increasingly eccentric if not ill.
The importance of this function was brought home to me by the most simple experience. As we were out walking one day one of my dearest friends turned to me and asked, “Am I ok?” She was of course asking me to tell her if she had become eccentric or was on the path to something worse. I assured her that she was perfectly fine.
A seed of doubt had entered her mind. A seed I was pleased to see vanish instantly with my assurances. Yet without a friend to provide such assurances what happens to that seed?
It appears that just as we need each other in order to maintain a healthy physical system, we need each other, literally, to maintain healthy minds. Just as with our physical health, we are not meant to function independently but interdependently. Without another trusted friend to provide us with feedback regarding our mental functioning, we are much more likely to become lost. Friends are the north star of emotional wellness.
