Since the body is still operating according to ancient rules laid down over millennia that say if we are feeling socially isolated then we are in danger, we have little choice but to send it different message in order to get it to turn the hormone taps off. The wonderful thing is that to improve your social wellness you don’t have to get up at five AM and put on your track shoes, eat tofu or chew nicotine gum. Remarkably it is the easiest lifestyle change to make yet will benefit every dimension of your life.
When you want to accomplish something it is essential to have a clear outcome in mind. Phrases like, “get fit”, “achieve financial security” or “improve my social wellness” are well intended but not very useable. It is much better if you develop standards or rules about these kinds of things, in order to make it easier to know what to do and to track your progress.
For example it is much easier if you have the following physical fitness standards:
- you must weigh 165 pounds
- you can do twenty pushups and thirty sit-ups without stopping
- you can walk five kilometers in less than 45 minutes
- you can walk up ten stories without being out of breath
The above list represents the standards you have for yourself regarding physical fitness. If you maintain them, you will consider yourself physically fit.
Likewise, its easier to maintain your nutritional wellness if you have the following standards:
- you do not eat wheat, dairy, salt, sugar or any refined foods
- you eat five servings of fruits and vegetables every day
- you eat five light meals per day
- you do not smoke or drink alcohol or coffee
You might develop similar standards around your financial health or even your spiritual health. Its no different if you want to develop social wellness.
Here are some ideas to consider for creating your own standards, plan or map for creating social wellness for yourself:
- When someone invites you to a social event, you generally say yes
- You participate in at least four social events per month
- You initiate and facilitate at least one social event per month
- You invite people over to your home at least four times per year
- When you are out, you make eye contact with others, smile and initiate a conversation
- You have cards with your contact information and you give them to people you meet and feel comfortable with
- When you are at an activity, you make others feel welcome and included
- You have at least four close, personal friends
- You spend time with one of your close, personal friends at least once a week
- You make at least one new close, personal friend every twelve months
- You learn about others so that you can let them know things you have in common
Now, all of us have epiphanies and get fired up with some new plan for our life and then over time we backslide. That’s because this new lifestyle takes effort and involves discomfort.
What we need is a way to deal with the attraction of comfort, some kind of counter force to keep us from going back to our old, comfortable ways. Normally, even when we are feeling emotional pain it is not enough to motivate us to move beyond our state of comfort. Even if it is, then often as soon as we alleviate it a little then we no longer have enough pain to motivate us to keep going. We lose ten pounds and then go off our diet.
We want the pleasures of physical fitness, financial security, emotional wellbeing and social wellness, but the short term pain involved in accomplishing these things is greater than the long term pain of doing nothing. Only when the circumstances of our lives cause us to associate unusually high levels of emotional pain with our present situation do we take action. The inconvenient truth is that it is the level of pain we feel in any situation that motivates us to either take action or not.
The good news is that we can use this old bit of programming code to our advantage. Here is a simple five step exercise that will keep you from backsliding.
- Make a list of ten negative things that will happen to you if you DO NOT change.
- Visualize this future life and embrace the feelings that accompany it. How does it feel? Are you signing up for this?
- Make a list of ten positive things that will get better or result from your new behavior. Visualize this future life and embrace the feelings that accompany it. How does it feel? Would you rather sign up for this?
- Review these two lists and this exercise at least once per week and it will keep you from backsliding.
- Schedule creating social activities into your calendar
